Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
