Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
