wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
