Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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