Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
