what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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