I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize