So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
