i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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