don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
