PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
