Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
