Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
