I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
