My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
