i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I have feelings that need drinking.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
