i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
