porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
