Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
