Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
