You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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