WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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