My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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