I want to have your abortion
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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