theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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