ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
im on a boat
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