Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If I die, sorry about rent.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
