Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Randomize
