you're like a bully in the Christmas story
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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