glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
