what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
