look no pants
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
