That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Can you bring me the toilet please
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
