I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
