So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
