I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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