shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
