There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
