Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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