woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
