So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
