you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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