i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
