Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
i think im in europe. pls send help
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
