You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
