It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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