i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
