Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
