We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
