We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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