If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
