i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
