When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
