So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
