in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
