that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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